Q&A with Roger Clemens

Roger Clemens is not talking to the media about performance-enhancing drug use. Or so we thought. In this exclusive interview, Roger Clemens talks at length to a lowly blogging college student, with no media credentials or affiliations, about the mess that has come about from the release of the Mitchell Report.

**NOTE: The following interview never actually took place. It was written solely for satirical purposes and is in no way meant to represent the truth about Roger Clemens or any of his legal proceedings. Enjoy the ride.**

Eyes on the Ball: Thank you for taking time out of helping out at Astros camp to speak with me, Roger.

Rocket: No problem at all, Rob. You seem to be the only journalist giving me the benefit of the doubt.

EOTB: Umm… yes, of course… (notes to block Clemens from viewing last two posts)… Let’s start off with this: What was your initial reaction to being named in the Mitchell Report?

Rocket: Well, I knew Mac (Brian McNamee) was talking to investigators about it, but I had no idea I would be involved. If my wife, Debbie, had just refused to take HGH to look schmexy in Sports Illustrated, I wouldn’t have even been a part of it. My first reaction was like I was going to be caught… um… up in the fallout, you know, the media reaction.

EOTB: Right, and so you made a YouTube video denying your use, gave an exclusive interview to an 89-year-old, and called a press conference where you played an inconclusive phone conversation with Brian McNamee which is illegal to tape in some states.

Rocket: All of that was done at the advice of my lawyers. Rusty Hardin, as you may very well know, is one of the best defense attorneys out there. I’m confident he’ll get me off for this. I mean, because I’m innocent. Needles bad.

EOTB: OK, so you go to Capitol Hill, give your deposition, and spend the rest of the week talking to the Republicans that are going to question you. At the big hearing, the Republicans call McNamee a liar, and the Democrats call you a liar. Do you think talking with the politicians prior to the hearing hurt your credibility?

Rocket: Well, again, that was Rusty’s idea. Yea, I chatted with some of the reps. I’ve never been to one of these hearings before. Why wouldn’t I want to know what to expect? Why not give them a few autographs for their time? I don’t see the bias.

EOTB: So you’re saying you didn’t influence any of the politicians who attacked McNamee’s credibility in the same way you and your lawyers have attacked it?

Rocket: No, not at all. They saw the same kind of man that I saw. Who saves used syringes in an empty beer can for over seven years? I can’t believe he kept those… err… that he made up some evidence.

EOTB: Moving on, what is your reaction to Andy Pettitte’s admission that not only did McNamee tell the whole truth about him, but he also injected himself with HGH on another occasion in 2004?

Rocket: Well, I can’t really speak about Andy’s situation because it’s a different situation. Like I said under oath, he misrememebered that conversation we had. And the other one in 2004. Why doesn’t anyone believe that a man in his late 20s to early 30s, who has scouting reports in his head for every hitter in baseball, can forget a conversation about illegal stuff?

EOTB: Roger, isn’t it true that trainers aren’t allowed by any major league clubs to give injections? And that Lidocaine and B12 shots require a prescription?

Rocket: I didn’t know that at the time. I wish I did. I figured, hey, people with diabetes can inject themselves, why can’t Mac inject me? A little piece of paper?

EOTB: Roger, the FBI is opening an investigation because of holes that Henry Waxman’s committee have found in your testimony. What do think about that?

Rocket: Well, it’s a very big load on my shoulders. I was nervous up there. It”s hard to keep up a huge, complicated lie in front of the nation’s top lawmakers. Uh, for Mac I mean. Not me.

EOTB: Ok Roger, lastly, even if you are found innocent, do you think this will tarnish your legacy as one of the best pitchers of all-time?

Rocket: WHY DOES EVERYONE THINK I’M DOING THIS JUST TO GET INTO THE HALL OF FAME? FOR THE LAST TIME, I DON’T GIVE A RAT’S ASS ABOUT THE HALL OF FAME!

And that’s about where the interview broke off. Roger ran off steaming mad and hit Astros minor leaguers with 85 mph fastballs.

A few briefs (not boxers)

• A-Rod caused some commotion yesterday when he claimed that last season he was drug tested 9 or 10 times last season. Normally, a player is tested twice unless they have previously tested positive for a banned substance (stimulant, steroid, etc). Yankees beat reporter Peter Abraham has more on this on his blog. Basically, Rodriguez needs to watch his words when he exaggerates things. Either that, or he’s been popping greenies. We’ll see if this story turns into anything substantial.
• The PED hearing in front of Congress last week really proved nothing, and hurt Clemens more than it helped him. Republicans called out McNamee as a liar, Democrats attacked Clemens. Bipartisan baseball? You’ve got it.
• Clemens also said at the hearing that Andy Pettitte “misremembered” a conversation the two had in 1999 or 2000 where Clemens discussed using steroids for years. Pettitte has been saying that he wanted to go out and tell the truth so he wouldn’t feel guilty. More signs point to Clemens lying.
• Finally, the New Jersey Nets and Dallas Mavericks have at long last finalized the trade of Jason Kidd to Dallas. The trade had to be completely redone in terms of who the Nets were getting in return and involved coaxing Keith Van Horn out of retirement to include in the trade. Rules stipulate that Van Horn must make himself available to play for the Nets. More info can be found here. This is one of the most anticipated trades the NBA has seen recently and, quite honestly, it seems to have gone to ridiculous levels. Van Horn had to be included in the trade for the money figures to work out. You needed to bring a man out of retirement to add enough value to a trade? I still don’t fully understand how this works. Sometimes teams want to get a deal done so badly that they’ll overcome incredible technicalities and roadblocks to get it done.

Some more words on Clemens

Clearly, there is something very fishy about the Roger Clemens/Brian McNamee situation. McNamee provided Congress with needles that he claimed he used to inject Clemens with steroids during the 2000 and 2001 baseball seasons. These needles were allegedly kept in empty soda cans.

The first question that comes to mind: Who keeps syringes around for 7 or 8 years? McNamee is supposedly a trained professional. Used syringes are supposed to be disposed of immediately.

Second of all, even if these syringes do test positive for Clemens’ blood and for steroids, they are not conclusive evidence that Clemens used. Clemens says McNamee used needles to inject him with B12 and Lidocaine. McNamee could have saved the needles and dipped them in steroids after the injections. He could have dipped them in steroids last year to fabricate evidence against Clemens.

Not to say I’m defending Clemens here. He could have made up the Lidocaine and B12 story, knowing that McNamee had these syringes, in self-defense.

One thing is clear: assuming nobody changes their story, someone will lie to Congress on Wednesday. Congress does not take being lied to lightly.

Around the World of Sports

I’ve been away from the blog for a couple days because of schoolwork. Media Ethics paper. Don’t wanna talk about it. In the meantime, during what is usually a slow time in the world of sports, between the Super Bowl and Spring Training, a few interesting stories have arisen.

Roger Clemens gave his deposition about performance-enhancing drugs in baseball to Congress on Capitol Hill on Tuesday. He once again denied using steroids. While I’m not rushing to judgment, it would be ill-advised for Clemens to lie at this point in time. So basically there are three possibilities:

1. Clemens did not use steroids. His former trainer, Brian McNamee, named Clemens for the Mitchell Report to appease investigators by giving them a “big name.” This is a strong possibility; most of the names in the report were of players who had a brief period of success in the major leagues. Steroids are known to be more of a “quick-fix” and promote more injuries.
2. Clemens truly believes he did not use steroids. McNamee told him he was injecting him with”lidocaine and B12″ when he was, in fact, giving him PEDs. His motive? Building his resume as a trainer. Nobody would care if he billed himself as “the trainer that worked with Clemens as he rode off into the sunset.” Give Clemens some juice, and voila, he’s “the trainer that extended Clemens’ career by nearly a decade.” People will pay big bucks for that.
3. Clemens did steroids, and this whole episode is just an effort to get away with it. He was acting when he said, “I don’t care about the Hall of Fame.” He told Congress that he did steroids, left the room, and lied to the media about it. If this is the case, we will see Clemens do little speaking during the group hearing on Feb 13th.

As a fan of the New York Yankees and baseball, I hope for 1 or 2. It’s just too difficult to make a clear judgment right now. What is clear is that Clemens should consider suing his barber in addition to McNamee.

In other news, the New York Mets formally introduced their newest acquisition, Johan Santana, to the media on Wednesday. Santana will keep his number 57 from Minnesota. The Mets came away with a steal here because they were willing to pay Santana the large salary he was looking for. He definitely makes the Mets the frontrunners for the NL East title, but I don’t think he’ll make enough of a difference to propel them to a World Series title. He has a poor track record against perennial contenders Boston and the Yankees.

Also Wednesday, in the NBA, the Phoenix Suns traded four-time All-Star Shawn Marion and Marcus Banks to the Miami Heat for Shaquille O’Neal. At first glance, the Heat look to be the winners. Shaq is getting older and more injury-prone, and doesn’t seem to fit in well with the speedy Suns offense. Marion’s strong defensive play is sure to make a difference for the struggling Heat. Look for even more overhyped Shaq vs. Kobe matchups now that Shaq is back in the West.